Getting a bad grade on an assignment and you start to doubt if you can do this.
They said it would be easy.
Actually, no I lie
They just smiled deceivingly and let me run with the thought
The stupid insane thought that I want to become and can become a lawyer.
In all honesty, no one ever through my whole existence ever since I got in my head that I want to be a lawyer even mentioned how hard it was going to be.
I wish I could be the sharp, direct no nonsense lawyer like Harvey Spectre or Alicia Florrick even Patty Hewes
They are fictional characters but their is always an ounce of truth in their portrayal.
The hardwork does get to you, it seems impossible and never ending.
I’m in back to back assignment mode.
I have chapters and chapters of reading to catch up on that I’m trying to avoid.
I sleep 4 hours every night.
I’m trying to find a job or work experience.
Studying for the new topics and doing the assignments on the old topics.
It just seems too much.
I want to catch up with all the tv shows I’ve recorded and the documentaries I want to watch.
All the fictional books I want to read.
Also putting on hold the skills I wanted to learn (knitting, cooking biryani and rock climbing)
Plus not giving my family time. They hardly see me and I miss them loads even though we’re all together, I have no time to talk and hang out.
This creates an emotional problem.
The build up of emotions further pushes me to have a breakdown
Law school is definitely not easy or even enjoyable.
I have never had a stimulating debate regarding ethics or current law.
It’s not all its cracked up to be.
While the thought of quitting is always hiding in my mind. It’s not the thought of quitting that terrifies me, it’s the what would I do instead. Business degree ? English degree ?
Nope I’m not good at that stuff, I can’t find a part time job. I very much doubt i will find a full time one.
And just when you start to contemplate the other side of things, bam right in the middle of your head. Something reminds you.
All those reasons why you wanted to be a lawyer in the first place.
You want to make a difference to the world ( optimistic! ) or the smallest difference to your world. Improving it.
This circle has continued for a year and will continue until I actually become a lawyer.
Anything worth having is worth working hard for.